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I know a joke about timezones but never am sure when to tell it.

I know an elasicsearch joke, but it's so poorly documented I can't find it.

I know a joke about planned obsolescence but its best before date was yesterday.

Played with GPT-3 a bunch over the last few days, via Didn't expect this, but the last sentence of this conversation left me quite embarrassed… :P

(Highlighted prompt and most "Human:" lines written by me. Transcript here:

"We have developed an amazing product!"
"As amazing as the dog-operated poop scoop?"
"OK, that sucked, but look: a Tea Book!"
"It's not paper, but pressed tea leaves."
"How... What?"
"You read a page, tear it out, and stick it in a mug of hot water. Tea!"
#MicroFiction #TootFic #SmallStories

The Cheddar Man was a Neolithic human found in England. He lived around 9100 years ago. Researchers analysed his DNA, which was fairly typical of Western Europeans at the time, and found that he was lactose intolerant, had green eyes, dark curly hair, and he was Black.

This made a lot of racists very upset, and I still find that pretty funny.


"Orr, wo kommt denn dieser Ohrwurm her?"

"Aus Schlumpfhausen, bitte sehr!"

Talking politics on the fediverse is like preaching to the queer.

You might be an Internet Ancient if you: 

• remember Netscape Navigator

• ever used any modem with a bandwidth of 28,8 or lower

• had an Early Adopter account on Livejournal

• witnessed the rise and fall of PhPBB

• witnessed the rise and fall of Napster

• used the web before Google existed

• ever used a dialup BBS site

• remember Gopher

• ever downloaded music as .mod files

• remember when about 90% of the web was made up of personal sites which were "under construction" and had pictures of people's cats on them

• remember when Yahoo was literally just a big list of websites

• know IRC commands

• have heard anyone unironically use the phrase "information superhighway"

• can recognise different bandwidth modems by what bleepy handshake sound they make

• have ever received one of those chain e-mails where you have to scroll through about a kilometre of forwarded headers only to find a "hilarious" vaguely lewd image and/or a banal list like this one

Ich So: Hmh, das ist grad bisschen suboptimal.
Die Realität: *Ich, sitzend auf einem Stuhl vorm PC, am PC Twitter und Mastodon offen, browse am Handy. Im Hintergrund sieht man, wie ein Haufen Elektronik aufm Boden brennt und daneben aus nem lange vergessenen Biologieexperiment Schimmel hervorwächst, welcher sich eigenartig bewegt. Ein Wecker klingelt alle 15 Sekunden. Aus dem Fenster ist eine brennende AKW-Ruine zu sehen. Ein Haufen Hausaufgaben (und wenn ich mal alleine lebe vermutlich Abmahnungen) liegt teils aufm Tisch, teils in der brennenden Elektronik. Ein Datenbildschirm an der Wand zeigt "SSL-Zertifikat abgelaufen" an. Etwas Lava tröpfelt von der Decke, am Boden darunter ist etwas zu sehen, was wie ein explodierter Schmelzofen aussieht. Ein Wecker klingelt.*

"Excuse me, I am a time traveler but my machine malfunctioned, so I'm not sure when I am."
"It's 2020."
"Which year of 2020?"
"What do you mean?"
"Ah, so this must be the first year of 2020."
"Oh. Damn."
#MicroFiction #TootFic #SmallStories

One day I'll fork Graylog, introduce some incompatible changes... erm... "structural refactorings"; and then release it as Greylog.

Just to spread the confusion I have with "grey" vs "gray".

if you make a joke on Mastodon, no matter WHAT the content is, after 50+ boosts people will appear in the replies that take it completely at literal face value.

you could post "a man walks into a bar, says ouch!" and if it receives 50+ boosts, then you will begin seeing replies like "THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN STEEL BAR PLACEMENT IS DEREGULATED BY PROFIT DRIVEN CROOKS!"

this theory is commonly known as Eugen's Gambit. and i love it.

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Mastodon ist ein soziales Netzwerk. Es basiert auf offenen Web-Protokollen und freier, quelloffener Software. Es ist dezentral (so wie E-Mail!).