I want Angelfire/Geocities but federated.
A tool that lets you make an honest-to-goodness actual Webpage® with an easy-to-use editor that includes all the various "under construction" gifs and starfield backgrounds - but with some magic extra CSS to make all this shit work on mobile and a big "JUST TEXT THANKS" button to be accessible to VI/photosensitive users.
Your web address would be like whatevs.tld/yourusername
Maybe webring functionality too, that'd be nice
Wait is this just internet